I Preach to Myself


I tend to think a lot when I drive. A lot of times I wish that I could be writing it all down, but for the sake of safety, that’s not possible. So I record my thoughts on “voice memo” so I don’t forget. Then I’ll go back later and sort through all of my thought processes and compile it into something remotely articulate.

It sounds crazy, but I’m thankful. I don’t want to miss a thing that I’m learning.

A lot of times it ends up that I’m preaching…to myself. HA!

This is the word for word record of what started out as just a few thoughts and turned into talk that completely sums up the purpose of this season. I don’t want to forget.

“I think of how many times I’ve driven this way. I’ve been filled with such anxiety and desperation and prayer. I just remember the ache in my heart as I would drive this way each week and spend time with the Lord.

Today I drive and I’m just filled with this peace. This supernatural peace that just allows me to rest. I just have this hope that gives way to peace, that gives way to rest. So I feel like I’m just waiting. My heart is expectant. It is not weary. It’s hopeful, it’s just waiting. Happy to wait. Happy am I to wait for the great things. Happy am I to hope. Happy am I to live with expectation and hunger to be filled.

I feel like I’m that way before Lord too. Just waiting. I just see myself sitting in front of the Lord. Sitting, waiting, at rest. I feel like sometimes there’s so much striving. I feel like so much of this year has been this pressing in, this striving for more, this ache for more. Which is all well and good in its time, but I feel like now I’m in this season where I’m just learning endurance. There’s that striving still, but there’s this peace that comes with this knowing that I will see the goodness of God; in my natural circumstances, in my spiritual circumstances I will see the goodness of God.

And so there’s just this quietness about me. In my heart, I feel like I can just breathe, like I can just sit back and relax and rest. And just enjoy what the Lord is doing. I feel like the Lord is saying it’s “hold time” that things are happening but its “hold time”. That time is the currency. It is the only thing that can pay for the things that the Lord wants to do right now in this season. Money isn’t the currency. Fasting isn’t the currency. Reading isn’t the currency. There’s all these things that we could do but there is no substitution for what’s going on here other than time. And time is what the Lord is using for this and so its like you just sit and you just wait.

I feel like under the weight of endurance, under the weight of patience and waiting, I’ve developed this endurance to the point where now I can sit and go “okay, it’s okay”. These days are getting shorter. This month is getting shorter. Time is going by and I’m learning and I’m growing and I’m enduring and I’m watching. Because each week my heart is more calm than the last. My heart is more patient than it was the week before, my heart is more at rest.

I’m just so appreciative for the strength that Holy Spirit gives my inner man to be of strong mind and strong body and strong heart, that I would wait patiently for the things of God, that I wouldn’t grow weary in the waiting but that I would have hope and expectation. I think a lot of times in the waiting, especially, we just grow so discouraged that it’s easier to protect ourselves by giving up. It hurts less to give up. It’s less painful to just be “done with it” and to just move on and if it happens, great, and if it doesn’t, whatever. Its so much easier to just ignore it. Its so much easier to cause ourselves to be numb to the desires of our hearts, to the longings of our hearts, to the things we wait for.

But the Lord loves to see that we desire and He loves to see that we’re patient. And He loves to see that we say, “I want this so much that it’s worth the wait”, and we hate waiting. Especially me. I hate waiting. But it’s so worth the wait.

And the things that we really long for, the things that we really desire, we count those as worth the wait. Jesus is worth the wait. Love is worth the wait. Transformation is worth the wait. Restoration is worth the wait.

The hidden riches in secret places are worth the wait.

I think that more and more, what we’re starting to see, are people who’s eyes are opened to the value of what they’re waiting for, and they’re counting it worth the wait. Instead of waiting and having their wait produce discouragement and numbness and hardness of heart, you have these people that wait and the waiting unlocks this desire and this sensitivity and this passion and this tenacity to endure and to expect and to hope and to be confident in the goodness of God; in his promises and in the things he has for us. This is huge, that we would be people who wouldn’t grow weary in the waiting.

I feel like we’re constantly waiting. We are constantly waiting for something. Our whole life, we’ve been waiting for Jesus, and our whole life we will wait for Jesus.

Get used to it.

We are a waiting people.

We are people who wait upon the Lord.

We wait upon the Lord.

We wait for the Lord.

We wait with the Lord.

We are people who wait, and we need to learn how to tarry. And how to desire and how to be encouraged in the waiting, not discouraged.

This waiting that unlocks the desire of our hearts and is the key to our hope and confidence of God is what propels us with endurance through these dry seasons. And we want to be a tree. We want to be a tree that’s planted on the riverbank. Who’s hope and confidence is in the Lord. That even in the long dry summer months without rain, in the times of drought, and in the times of famine, we will not grow weary. We will produce fruit.

Hope gives us life. Hope is the life-flow. It’s what sustains us through seasons of famine and hours of darkness. It is Christ that is our hope.

Jesus is the hope of the nations and He is the hope of our hearts.

He is life for our soul.

He is life for our soul.

This revelation of the goodness of God, of His unfailing love, of His unfailing mercies, of His goodness, of His loving kindness. This is what pushes us through. It’s this confidence, it’s this knowing, that the Lord is good, He is working all things out. Why do we have to be afraid? For our hope and our confidence is in the Lord.

And we don’t wait in vain.

We don’t wait in vain.

We know that it is always worth the wait.

It’s always worth the wait.”

This time was worth this lesson alone…

You are good to teach us.

What are the dreams of your heart? What are you waiting for?
He could do it ALL in a MOMENT, but be encouraged that the Lord is purposeful and intentional in His timing; in what seems like delay.

Wait with a focused passion for the dream of your heart; the dream of God’s heart.


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