I finally have time. And I have no idea what to do with myself. There’s so many things that I need to get done. So many things that I want to do.
And I’m overwhelmed.
I live in such privileged days where the ceilings of the generations before me are now my floor. I have an abundant amount of resources at my fingertips, available to me because of the diligence, discipline, and perseverance of those that have gone before me (and the kindness of God to reveal them). I have books and teachings and music that are full of revelation and opportunities for encounter. I live in a season of rich joy and in a generation that is being raised up at an increased pace for a purpose. I have been taught to dream, to visualize, to hope for, to press on towards, to run.
But tonight I feel like I’ve hit a brass ceiling.
And where do you start when you have the vast ocean of God, full of wisdom and revelation, just waiting for us to encounter?
I am overwhelmed by ambition and opportunity with an attention span too small to support my daily dreams. Hours and days go by until I realize that I’ve done nothing but stared my good intentions in the face without ever stepping foot off the shore.
My heart is stirred in the rare moment that I resolve to just settle down to be loved.
To throw ambition and high-vision out the window, along with performance and progression, and just be.
He quiets me with His love.
And really, isn’t that the point? To be loved and to love in return?
To love well…
On the day when nothing else remains, I’m reminded of purpose and importance.
Desire is found in the waiting and truth is heard in the silence.
And all He ever really wanted all along was our hearts.
All we ever really wanted was His…
My neat ingenuity looses ground in the resting place and my own strength collapses in relief.
I am not lost.
I am not lost.
And on a night when I’ve been more unproductive than I’ve ever wanted to be, I’ve figured out that the thing is, I don’t have to figure out anything at all.
There is freedom found in trusting that You are a good, good leader.
You are the Good Shepherd of my soul.
You lead me.
You guide me.
You restore me.
You comfort me.
You cause me to rest.
Surely your goodness and unfailing love will pursue me all the days of my life, and I will live in your house forever.