All Your Fountains are in Me – I Have Everything You Need

I could stay in this moment forever. I can hear the faint sound of crickets far off in the  distance and the occasional crackle of the “suburban bonfire” I made. Smoke swirls all around me with what’s left of a summer night’s breeze and a scent that carries enough years of memories to make my heart ache.

I am missing.

I feel hidden away in this moment.

A comfort to me, for I am secure and safe, alive and breathing in the secret place; in the hiding place.

My heart aches constantly these days.

But as I write that, I realize I’ve written that phrase more in the last year than I have in my entire life. The richest, most golden time in my life (so far) has known a constant ache that is deep, bittersweet, and now familiar.

Oh, I am really alive.

I ache for breakthrough, for longings fulfilled, to see the dream of my heart in reality, to come even more alive than I ever could’ve imagined.

I ache to walk fully in my destiny, for vision, for encouragement, for an increase of revelation, for iron in my spirit, and some sort of sense to be made out of every complication.

I ache for like-hearted people to run with towards the same goal. I ache for fathers and mothers in the faith to teach and impart the dream of their heart to my own. I ache for an environment to cultivate and operate in my giftings, and encourage without restriction.

I ache for the one who loves and leads me well to be near…

I ache for a heavenly perspective that allows me to count it pure joy to freely give and share this gift with the nations. What a privilege it is for anyone that knows this man…

The man that reminds me that if I wasn’t aching for these things, it’d be for something else; for it’s the kindness of God to teach us and let us grow.

And what makes it worth it every time is that I find you in the ache.

Every time.

You’re so purposeful and faithful and good to lead me forward on firm footing with a hunger that you will satisfy.

The ache is not in vain.

I can have it all. It’s all available to me…according to the measure of my faith.

We keep going back to this.

You are worthy of all of my hope and confidence.

All my springs of life are found in you.

I’ve been calling down the breakthrough, the release, the provision, but in my heart I still hang my head in bitter aching and discouragement.

In a moment, from night to day, I heard:

“If you believe that breakthrough is coming, you need to act like breakthrough is coming!

(Because it is.)

Have faith.

And the anointing and anointed word made all the difference in my spirit.

The ache now lies in confident expectation, assurance, and hope, learning endurance and strength of spirit in the wait.

I ran the circle tour of the lakes this afternoon. It was a glorious late summer afternoon that could’ve easily been mistaken as autumn. Everything seemed to shimmer underneath the sun as if to extravagantly flaunt it’s life for the last time before the change in seasons and scenery. The running and biking paths were packed with all different kinds of people, lending a certain energy to all the activities taking place. It was exciting to be a part of all the carefree commotion as I secretly raced other runners and practiced discerning those I passed along the way. To my surprise and delight I ran across leftover chalk artwork with whimsical designs and the words “have faith”. Thank you.

At a certain point around Lake Calhoun as I made my way north towards a connecting lake, I was reminded that this was the exact location the Lord spoke to me about perseverance and endurance this spring during another time of intense ache. In a moment when everything comes together with confirmation and affirmation to lead me on, I’m reminded that I’m learning the same lessons as the last time I ran Lake Calhoun, except this time the route is twice as long and the circumstances involve a greater intensity (and greater reward to look forward to).

Oh, it is the kindness of God to teach us and let us grow.

Again and again and again.

I will embrace the ache of a lovesick heart with the hope and expectation of the joy found in longings fulfilled.

You are worthy of all of my hope and confidence.

All my springs of life are found in you.

Audra Lynn says it best:

Faith is the assurance, the evidence of things unseen.

For you reward the one who sees and does not see but he yet believes.

And I will not doubt your promises, though many as the stars above.

For I am on a pilgrimage and I’m searching for the King of Love.

And I walk by faith and not by sight.

And you give me grace to lift my eyes.

And I see your face and it gives me life to run the race, to fight the fight; the fight of faith.

I’m looking for a city; a city in the sky.

I’m looking for a city to come down.

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