I stumbled upon this song by Jenny & Tyler called “Faint Not” that I keep playing over and over.
Everything is changing. It’s exciting and scary and exhilarating and everything else ranging from fear to faith. Some days I’m completely energized by the potential and the possibilities and other days I feel completely paralyzed by the uncertainty and the thought of moving so far outside of my comfort zone.
What a beautiful place to be.
I am so in need.
“Oh my soul, faint not
Oh my soul, keep up, in love…”
The past two years have been this completely unexpected, and even unwanted, journey of discovering the joy of restoration and the dreams of my heart (that I didn’t even know I had) fulfilled. A common theme has been this patient, enduring love, that learns how to lean and rest. The purposed fruit of these lessons are the complete opposite of everything I am by nature. It is such a joy to see growth in ways that defy the essence of who I am. This is encouragement to my heart that my weakness is not beyond the transformation desired by the one who made me to grow. Even further, this transformation is not contingent on my diligence or performance. He’s after my heart, all of my heart, and He’s not left me alone to facilitate my own growth. He’s all about giving life, and life abundantly, and only He knows the way I should go. Let’s walk in the way of fullness.
Joy, peace, and righteousness by the light of Christ shed in my heart by the Holy Spirit. I am so in need of everything that He is and everything that He has for me. The significant, and seemingly drastic, shiftings of seasons has me convinced, more than ever, that I am lost without the leadership of the Holy Spirit.
Two years later, full of bittersweet stories of growing pains and surprises from Heaven, I am officially engaged to the man of my dreams.
Literally, my dreams.
Some of the most vivid dreams I’ve ever had were of Seth in the first years of this long season. It took dozens of dreams and thousands of prayers before I was even slightly convinced of anything.
He’s after my heart.
He’ll have His way.
Just remembering this reminds me of how there is something so much bigger going on than just falling in love.
Have your way…
The same week I got engaged, I started my Retail Management Training at a new Starbucks in Roseville. Forty-five minutes across the cities, completely out of my comfort zone and my neighborhood. Months ago I had a dream where I was managing a Starbucks and people were getting healed and experiencing the manifestation of the Holy Spirit in the cafe. I woke up with vision and purpose in my heart for the Kingdom of Heaven to come to Earth in my sphere of influence in the marketplace, wherever I was.
Truth be told, Roseville was a specific store that I was hoping I didn’t get. I knew it was so far away and that it was busy, and for whatever reason, I was trusting the Lord’s leadership in engineering my circumstances, but crossing my fingers it wouldn’t be Roseville. Sure enough, that’s the store they felt I would be the best fit at.
I laughed out loud when they told me.
Imagine my surprise when I find myself working at a store that is as close to a “Christian Haven” as I’ve ever experienced. It’s situated right in the middle of all these Christian colleges in the city and is a “hiding place” for young people who love Jesus. Seriously. I have noses buried in cracked-open Bibles all over my cafe! I had a guy help me restock the whole bean shelf “just because” today. Turns out he loves Jesus. I have worship leaders meeting in the cafe and mentorship coffee-dates happening all throughout the day. I’m interacting with people that know life and light and joy from loving Jesus and can’t help but overflow even when they’re just ordering a cup of coffee and chit-chatting about their day.
Where am I?
I’m working with people who love Jesus and who are actively involved in ministry. One of the girls that I worked with today told me that we should have church in Starbucks. The old store manager told me before he left that I’m going to fit in really well here because everyone there sings to themselves while they work too. Apparently that’s been their “thing” at the store; they always seem to have a staff that sings. There was more to what he was saying. Happy people sing, you know. It’s the environment there that gives way to joy, peace, and freedom to sing.
It’s different there.
Today I saw three of my regular customers from Eden Prairie. Later, I answered the phone and it was another one my regular customers calling. I think I’m in the right place. Its a joy to know I’m exactly where the Lord wants me. All of the challenges that seem to be against me, I’m declaring are for my benefit, and I’m seeing that it’s actually true!
Through all of this, everything going on, I’m seeing that it all comes down to love.
All I have to do is just love and be loved.
Everything else just falls into place and suddenly just being alive, breathing in and out through the day-to-day, becomes a delight.
Since we have such glorious hope, such joyful and confident expectation, we speak very freely and openly and fearlessly. Now the Lord is Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is there is freedom. And all of us, with complete transparency, because we continue to behold the Word and glory of God as in a mirror before us, are constantly being transfigured into His very own image in ever-increasing splendor from one degree of glory to the other.
Therefore, since we do engage in the ministry of the mercy of God, experiencing undeserved favor, blessing, benefits, opportunities, and freedom, we do not get discouraged or full of fear or grow faint with weariness or exhaustion. For God who said, “Let light shine in the darkness”, has caused this light to shine in our hearts as if to beam forth and illuminate the knowledge and glory of God in our hearts as we see it in the face of Jesus. We possess this treasure, the Light of God, as if it’s in fragile clay jars, that the power of God might be shown in our weakness.
The more grace for our weakness gives way to incredible thankfulness and freedom.
We’ve been set free to just love.
In the midst of everything that seems complicated, uncertain, yet wonderful, and changing, I’m finding that this thing is simple: we just have to love and lean.
He is so rich in everything we need.