When my heart is overwhelmed, lead me to the rock that is higher than I…
Christmas is next week?
Contributing much to my heart’s neglect, my thoughts have been consumed with sleep schedules and traffic patterns.
And whole bean goals.
And adjusting a whole group of people to new expectations.
Adjusting myself to new expectations.
And wondering where do we go from here? And am I ready to jump with both feet from this high of a landing?
And where, and when, and who, and how, and if, and can I do it?
All the while, the world around me looks like this:
God bless the neighbors who helped me through the weekend while I was alone.
And still…I’m still missing, waiting, and growing weary.
And annoyed and restless and impatient and discouraged.
I dreamed of our wedding last night. We used the color yellow and it was short and awkward but we didn’t care. We laughed the whole way through while everyone else was hurrying around.
And then we left for Europe without a care in the world.
Without realizing, I scribble words across my mind’s eye that I know are lies while I wait. And I hear him, clear as day, saying, “If there’s only one thing you ever learn about God, it’s that He’s GOOD. He is good.”
I have to believe that.
It’s been so long. I’ve left it so neglected and unattended that I don’t even know if I can still make the sound.
But over and over until I believed every word, I sang, “I know you love me, right here, right now…right here, right now…”
And then I found this:
And I remembered.
I remembered, this time last year, I was working so hard to finish these handmade journals for my best friends. I carefully picked out colors and designs and layouts for each person and worked tirelessly to cut and paste and imagine what they would write in them someday.
Then I saw myself sitting against the doorframe in the spring, unwrapping the same journal I had made months before; a package sent from Nashville with a handwritten note and an aching heart.
And I cried and laughed in the fullness of each emotion during that moment.
Everything was just as uncertain then as it is now…
Finding that journal tonight – with all of the attached memories in this story we’re writing – was good for my heart.
I remembered it’s always worth it all.
I remembered how lucky I am to be in love.
Blessed be the name of the Lord.
He is good.