It feels like it’s been much longer than a month since I’ve been to a Children 18:3 show.
I watched with joy and admiration as they played and engaged the crowd.
I feel the Holy Spirit come as I listen to David and Lee Marie’s lyrics and on a heart-to-heart level I connect with the place that they came from.
It’s not uncommon to see me tearing up during the show.
I’m so proud.
I’m so blessed.
I’m so honored to play a part in loving and supporting these guys.
I haven’t been doing the best job.
Lee Marie refers to our engagement as The Great Tribulation.
And it’s so true.
Being engaged has been some of the most glorious and terrible days.
How can I be surprised though?
Right before the great big wedding (to Jesus) we’ll be experiencing some of the greatest tension – glory and terror existing simultaneously. If marriage on earth is just a picture – a glimpse, a vision into – the marriage of the body to the head, then should we be surprised to be experiencing such paralells?
Oh, let me tell you, the wedding day will be the most glorious and joyful for this very reason!
In light of all this, I don’t think I was aware of how much of an influence I have on the band. I just think of myself as being here in Minnesota while they’re somewhere else. I feel completely removed and think of myself as such.
Seth and I have this rule (that we’ve only broken once and quickly realized why we shouldn’t) that we resolve everything before we go to bed. The whole “don’t let the sun go down on your anger” sort of thing. Back in the summer, Lee Marie told me that not only should we have that rule, but we should make a rule that Seth doesn’t play a show until we work things out. I have an influence on Seth that affects his attitude and his emotion and creates a ripple effect to so many other areas of influence.
I had no idea…as far as I knew, I was removed.
I never saw the influence.
I haven’t been the most selfless or sensitive to how my actions or attitudes affect situations beyond Seth and myself.
I’m not just marrying a man. I’m marrying into a family, a vision. A vision that has been in the works long before I ever came along. And I’m not just called to support Seth but to support everyone involved.
I want to be honoring.
I want to be supportive.
I want to be selfless and encouraging.
I want to be all these things..
And at the end of the day, no matter what happens with the band, I want to know that I gave everything (or let go of everything) the Lord intended to support and honor them all SO THAT the dream of their hearts may be fulfilled and there would be no hinderances or resistance to the Lord accomplishing His plans in the earth through their life.
I want to be really good at being selfless and encouraging.
The call of God on my life might simply be to love and support my husband and the vision that he was called to, and to do it WELL.
And this is the definition of love and marriage: there was a man who was called to lay down his life for the one he loves.
The call wasn’t dependent on whether or not he was loved in return to the same degree, or even at all. He was just supposed to choose love and love well. Whatever that looked like.
That’s all I have to do; choose love and love well. Giving and giving up everything to love and honor and support the one I am called to. Giving all of my dreams and ambitions a backseat for all time if that’s what it takes and trusting that if I love and honor rightly, my needs will be met, whether it’s by my husband or the Lord.
And the more and more I reflect on this call, the more I realize how fulfilling it is to love rightly, to esteem the one I love as better than myself, and to subscribe 100% as his biggest fan (no pun intended) to the dream of his heart for his life.
It is so happy to love and love well!
This revelation is so important especially for anyone marrying into a ministry or clear vision in action for their spouse.
IF YOU DO NOT GET ON BOARD AND SUPPORT THE VISION WHOLEHEARTEDLY YOU WILL BE IN DIRECT OPPOSITION TO YOUR HUSBAND (or wife) FOR THE REST OF YOUR DAYS.
This is sobering to think of what my life would be like had I never laid hold of this.
This is the grace of God. The Lord, in His kindness, teaching me, letting me grow in the measure of life and love.
We have these friends who have been married for almost three years and when Bethany, Seth’s littlest sister, was telling me about them, the first thing she said about Alysa was that, “She loves her husband, Derek, SO much!”
WHAT a thing to be known by, how WELL you love.
What an inspiration to me!
I used to think that I’d grow up and speak to hundreds of thousands of people as a leader to the nations. I imagined I’d have a huge ministry full of power and fruit of historic proportions. Oh, my little zealous heart.
But I abandoned that a few years ago when I realized, “If I have not love, I have nothing”.
Good luck loving and leading the nations if you can’t even love and lead your family.
It is WAY more fulfilling to imagine that the high vision is to LOVE and BE LOVED WELL.
If I could be someone who was known by that, it would be all to the glory of the Holy Spirit who lives and moves within me, causing me to transformed into a LOVER and HELPER OF MEN.
Oh Jesus, you make me new.
I’m going to learn how to be so good at loving Seth Aaron Hostetter if it’s the only thing I do.
This is the vision.