My Heart is Filling Up

I’ve been listening to the same song on repeat. Literally, for hours, you’ll hear this song echoing off the walls of my little house.
You’ll hear the harmonies I made up being passionately sung as if it was some sort of anthem-encouragement to my heart.

And repeat.

I can think of several other songs I’ve listened to like this.
Songs that speak in the language of color and life.
Songs that have seemingly made their way through the door of my heart and taken root in the very core of all that I am in this season and managed to shape the affection inside:

(For your heart’s benefit, I’ll share.)

Your Presence – Jenn Johnson
You Will Find Me  – Andrew Ripp
Poison & Wine – The Civil Wars
Run to You – The Ember Days
Learning to Love Again  – Mat Kearney
Come Pick Me Up – Ryan Adams
Rise
 – Shawn McDonald

 

“‘Cause that was the real you standing there in the shape of your body
Fear don’ know no love when we’re all the same
That was the real you looking back across the water
Tears falling like rain, drops rippling against the shame
That was the real you singing hallelujah, looking down a barrel
Hey brother, we’re all learning to love again”

 

I think of what’s beautiful; found in simple thoughts that are so easily discarded and passed over in the pursuit of value and substance.
I think of what’s real, what’s new, what’s imaginary, what’s on it’s way to take my life by storm.

I see color and violence. The beautiful kind of violence that “lifts me up out of the miry clay” and disrupts that which is mundane and immobilized by fear and wounds. I see the coming of a promise, so wonderfully glorious and intense that I get a real-time glimpse of what it means to have “exceedingly and abundantly more than we could ever ask, think or hope for”.

It’s GOOD and life-giving and life-SAVING to remember that ALL of the goodness of God is FOR ME.
FOR ME.
Me.
All of it. For me.
In ALL things.

One day at a time, my heart is filling up with thankfulness and HOPE. I’m discovering, checking, adjusting, growing, learning, processing, and being made beautiful – from glory to glory – through all of it.

This is the good news.
That in all seasons – in all trials and tribulations – this is how it plays out: I win.
I win. I grow. I repeat.

(And I just watched my neighbor take off his clothes as he walked across the street.)

I am in the most precious season of my life so far. I write that with tears in my eyes as I realize the incredible impact that this season has/will have on the rest of my life. I think of the ways that my heart as grown, the things I’ve learned, and the revelation of LOVE I’ve received (even in the most “undeserving” circumstances).

And my heart is FULL of THANKFULNESS when I’m surprised by the thought that “I wouldn’t trade it for anything else”.

You make all things new.
You make all things WORTH IT.

I am the luckiest girl on planet Earth.

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