We are divided into three parts: body, soul, and spirit.
Each of these three parts of us have needs. The needs are also offset by fears because what happens in childhood is, we learn about our needs in childhood and then we learn about the fear of whether our needs are going to be met or not.
This is where wounds and lies come from. This is where the roots of most of our issues come from is whether my needs are going to get met or not.
The fear can be real or perceived, so in looking into your past, you aren’t looking to dishonor any parents or dishonor your childhood or dig up any dirt, because it can be perceived fears just as much as real fears.
We make decisions about people and situations out of our perceived fears or perceived realities. So whether it’s real or perceived (or completely illogical to another person), it feels the same; we interact with it the same.
The needs of the body: identity, protection, provision.
The needs of the soul: companionship and communication
The needs of the spirit: comfort, nurture, teaching
When we’re in childhood, this is where we learn about these needs. We’re born with these needs. These are legitimate needs in our life and will be until the day we die.
The fear creeps in when we start to believe that these needs are not going to be met or they aren’t going to be adequately met. When that happens, wounds and lies show up that develop into issues of our life. This is where learn to pick up an unhealthy “tool” to get our needs met.
Our needs have to be met.
I am going to get afraid sometimes because I have a legitimate need to feel protected, to feel safe. I am going to have situations that happen in my life where I need to be comforted. There’s nothing wrong in that. That’s part of being healthy: allowing people and allowing the Godhead to meet these needs and not walling myself off with defensive mechanisms because I don’t have a “right” to have those needs met because I learned “back here” for whatever reason that my needs aren’t going to get met.
The family is divided into three parts: the father is the one in charge of meeting the needs of the body: identity, protection, provision. Siblings and friends take care of meeting the needs of the soul: companionship and communication. Mom takes care of the needs of the spirit: comfort, nurture, teaching.
There were legitimate times when we as children needed our needs met and our parents physically weren’t able (or available) to do it. Whether there was a good reason or not, we had a need, didn’t have our needs met, there is a place where a wound and lie can be established.
So the issue in “digging deep” into your childhood as a part of inner healing isn’t whether or not you had a good family or a bad family. Even good families don’t meet every single need 100% of the time.
The Godhead side is divided into three parts: Father God is in charge of meeting the needs of the body. When you have the King of Kings and Lord or Lord show up and say “you are the greatest thing”, that’s an area of impact. Whether we believe it or not, whether we live there or not is not the issue. But when the Creator of the Universe shows up and says, “you are the most important thing to me” that’s gotta have impact on your heart. When the King of Kings shows up and is going to protect you, then what do you ever have to be afraid of? When I know here and now that the King of Kings is going to protect me, I don’t have to even engage fear, because I’m confident and protected. He owns the cattle on a thousand hills and if he owns that, he can certainly provide.
The Father meeting the needs of my identity, protecting or providing for me may not be the way I was expecting because I have tunnel vision – he’s looking at one thing and I’m only seeing what’s in front of me. And when I look at my situation through perceived notions and solutions it opens my heart up to offense if I haven’t learned to trust the Lord even when things are going as I had expected.
Jesus, closer than a brother, impacts the needs of our soul: communication and companionship.
Holy Spirit, the Comforter and the Teacher who impacts the needs of our spirit.
Most of the times, we pick our spouses to meet the need that we are mostly lacking in (that wasn’t met at childhood), so each individual will expect and need their husband/wife to impact a different area depending on their childhood/life history.
Usually we attract the wounding or the hurts of our childhood, especially if we grew up being abused, we marry abusers. This happens because you’re (subconsciously) used to the abuse meeting the need you have. For example, if I need communication or companionship and I’m used to having abuse be that connection with people, that companionship with people, I will probably pick a spouse who is going to meet that need for me. Verbal abuse or emotional abuse is connected to my identity, and if I don’t have that emotional or verbal abuse then who am I? I wouldn’t know what my identity is so I would need to pick a spouse who is going to continue to do that so I continue to have that value, that identity, I grew up with.
Knowing all of this is so helpful and eye-opening about identifying the root of what the wounds and lies are in your life. Most people don’t really like talking about their childhood or their parents, even if they had a good childhood and great parents. Even so, whether it was good or bad, people defend and justify their history.
But you can ask me two questions and can get a good idea of what my childhood was like:
“What do you think about Father God?”
“What does Father God think about you?”
Through these telling questions, we’re able to connect the root of the wound and the lie that is still impacting our heart and needing healing. Maybe we’ve never really even thought about or considered them to be an issue but it’s real, and we lived “there”, we made decision out of “there”, we’ve reacted out of “there”.
The main purpose of digging deep into your childhood, into your three-part-family is to see if you have good, healthy relationships that impact a healthy relationship with the three-part-Godhead.
Once we get healed, and we do get healed, our needs will still be needs and they’ll still need to be met. When you have healed relationships with the Godhead side it doesn’t take people off the hook from meeting your needs, but if they can’t or won’t it doesn’t mean my needs won’t be met. My needs will still be met because I have the Godhead who will come in and meet those needs and when my needs are met I don’t have to feel unsafe, I can walk into any situation and feel protected. I don’t have to be offended because you won’t give me value. I don’t have to be offended because you won’t comfort me. I don’t have to get mad at you because you won’t meet my needs,because I have a place to get my needs met.
Moving forward, we’re identifying the wounds and lies from our childhood and forgiving the people involved that have failed to meet our needs, and we’re renouncing the lie that the Godhead is going to treat me the same way.
Healing happens when the Godhead shows up and covers the hurts and lies with truth.
What’s the truth?
When a member of the Godhead shows up with truth, there’s impact there. You can slough the truth off when someone else tells you, but it’s harder to slough the truth off when Father, Jesus, or Holy Spirit is standing in front of you declaring it right to your heart.
We need a visitation of the Godhead bringing the gift and joy of truth to our hearts to shine light onto our hearts, revealing and healing our innermost, deepest wounds.
Truth is truth whether you believe it or not.
Whether I believe the fact that I’m the apple of God’s eye or not doesn’t change the fact of the matter.
No longer do we have to pick up that unhealthy “tool” to get what we need, or do we have to be offended and deeply wounded because the one who is supposed to provide for us won’t meet our needs. It’s in the revelation of the Godhead who does want to meet our needs that we’re free and settled. Out of that place, there’s no need to punish or be offended by those who fail us, even in the most intimate of relationships.
At the same time, while we don’t hold the failures against the ones who have failed us, while we forgive them and hopefully wait for them to receive revelation and transformation, we realize that we need to put up boundaries.
(For example) “In the light of truth I realize that how you’re treating me isn’t appropriate, and I realize that because I now understand that Father God treasures me. My Father God would never treat me like this, so unfortunately you aren’t allowed to either. Until you want to value me – because I really do have value – you let me know.”
Just because we release someone from the ways they’ve hurt us or failed to meet our needs doesn’t mean that we can’t put up boundaries, it doesn’t mean that we have to be a target for whatever unhealthy action they choose (no matter what the reason), but it also doesn’t mean I have to collapse because you cannot or will not meet my need.
We’re going forward, learning and growing.
He will get his full reward in me.